UNTITLED I
“I couldn’t wait to leave that town
It broke my heart
I had to go
I made a choice”
-Jonathon Ng
This is a series of untitled stories. Uncensored, unfiltered, and most importantly unsafe.
Untitled I is a tribute to the death of a childhood friend of mine. We grew up together in my old neighborhood where I lived 16 years out of 21 so far. We went to the same school, played football together, took swings on each other. But at the end of the day, it was us against you if you don’t belong to the hood.
He was kindhearted, his company was enjoyable. It has been less than a year since his father died so he had to take care of his whole family. You can only imagine how hard it must have been to carry a family of three behind your back. Bring food to the table for your two older brothers and mother at the age of 20. I don’t know about yours, but that sounds nothing like my 20.
I keep remembering this one time when he found me hitchhiking with my roommate in a desperate opportunity to go home. He was on a trip to buy some fruits and vegetables to sell in the hood later. There was room only for one passenger. I know he can’t afford a large fine for extra passengers, though he insisted that he can’t leave me or my roommate behind. I keep trying to get that image along with his voice out of my head. That was our last unplanned encounter that took place in September 2021.
Death is always a kick into consciousness. A kickback into recognizing the fact that all of this is dull and just like that you might not get to see someone ever again, regardless of how close they are. You can no longer talk to them or interact with them and you have to deal with it.
Times change, Things happen. We go separate ways. But there are some people that every time we meet we see the same smile from decades ago. It feels like an abandoned house that never gets dusty, cold, or haunted, A house that is always ready to welcome you despite the state or the situation you’re in right now. He was one of these people. At least to me. I can’t help but wonder why is it this easy to lose people to the void just like that.
Life has been all over the place lately. I feel like I am way too conscious. Small details from each day grow to be controversial points my mind stops at every night.
I once witnessed a small talk between a father and his son. The teacher attributed a zero to him on a test that day. Simply, because he forgot to do his homework. He said it wasn’t on purpose. He was pretty upset at first and didn’t want to talk about it. I wonder how cruel it must have been for him. He isn’t probably the only one that got a zero on a test that day. My friend isn’t the only person that died either. But both of them deserved better for sure.
How many people deserve better every day and get nothing instead? The number is certainly huge. I have come to realize that life is roughly a race against the clock where you can’t see the clock. The paranoia of being ignorant about how much time you have left. Should we live every day as if it’s the last day? I don’t know.
“Maybe we’re dumb to try to pin significance onto every little thing.”
Friday the 28th of January was my last day at university. I don’t want to remember any of the highlights of the journey. I know for sure that I got worse with every year that passes. What matters is it is over now. Technically I still have to visit that shithole for a university. It feels more like a shit movie that you have to watch and complain about wasting your time and money later. It also feels like a bad joke that took 3 years to sink in. Luckily, The company there was top-notch. shout out to all my people out there. You are appreciated.
Untitled I has come to its end. Keep this to yourself. And remember, this is all for you and it always has been.
